This is one of my favorite movies of all time and it is soooooo hilarious that I just had to share some of the quotes from it with you! Lol. Here. They are:
Guru Pitka: If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?
Jacques Grande: Don't look at me with that tone of voice or I will punch you in the shirt!
Guru Pitka: Give me a pound. Lock it down. Break the pickle. Tickle, tickle.
Guru Pitka: Let's look at the word, guru. Ok. My goal is to get you to say "Gee You Are You", tm.
Angry Fan: Boo! You suck Bullard!
Jane Bullard: No you suck! You can say bad things about me but I won't say bad things about myself! So guess what? You can all just kiss my... Canadian a$&!
Jane Bullard: Cherkov, Pitka's coming you have to...
Coach Punch Cherkov: Are you as turned on as I am right now?
Jane Bullard: You're a bad bad person.
Coach Punch Cherkov: I'll take that as a yes!
Jane Bullard: Pitka's coming just stall! Ew!
Darren Roanoke: [about his suit] What's wrong with shark skin?
Guru Pitka: More like gay-skin, how about. What? Yeah.
Guru Tugginmypudha: Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz.
Guru Pitka: [picks up Coach Cherkov] I'd like to thank the Academy. Wow, these things are heavy. Yeah.
Coach Punch Cherkov: Put me down, a-hole!
Guru Pitka: I speak of Intimacy, or Into-Me-I-See
Guru Pitka: Tonawanda street? I know this street.
Darren Roanoke: You do?
Guru Pitka: Yes. At what number did you live?
Darren Roanoke: Fifty-three.
Guru Pitka: Did you know a Dickie Withers at 85?
Darren Roanoke: No?
Guru Pitka: Well, it does. A dickie does wither at 85. I own you! Yeah! You are laughing! You
see, you are filled with joy of a child!
Jane Bullard: Guru Pitka.
Guru Pitka: Jane Bullard, you are the owner of the Toronto Maple Leaves.
Coach Punch Cherkov: It's leafs.
Guru Pitka: Who said that? Oh! I didn't see you there. That little guy scared me we might have to do a pantie check I might have some monkey mustard back there. (checks behind) No I'm good haha!
Coach Punch Cherkov: Who is this p$&@!?
Guru Pitka: How do you do? Shrimp?
Coach Punch Cherkov: What did you call me j$&@$&@$?
Guru Pitka: I didn't catch you gnome. NAME! You are a midget.
Coach Punch Cherkov: I find that term condescending.
Guru Pitka: Condescending? THAT'S A BIG WORD FOR YOU.
Coach Punch Cherkov:The man's an a$$!
Lol I love this movie. SO WILL YOU!